Lazy?

Lazy.
I feel it for so long
I hear it
I manifest it
Not knowing any other state,
I own it;
it owns me

no energy, no motivation
no passion, no goals
no point
to my hazy wanderings through
passing time,
wasting time

I long to feel the purpose I know,
and the guilt of the title
I have come to feel
- lazy -
eats a hole through my self-worth

Give me freedom in truth!
...the truth...
the truth is, I should not claim
this name,
though outwardly one may assume its truth,
but in truth
I am in battle between mind and spirit
and darkness and light
and the guilt I bear
I do not deserve
Is not the burden of mental illness enough?

I lay down this baggage
at the feet of the all-suffering One
Who has carried my burdens for me
borne my guilt
and set my spirit free

I look forward to
the healing of my body
when I may physically know,
mind and body,
the strength I already possess in spirit

Who will separate me from the love of Christ?
Will tribulation, or distress,
or persecution, or famine,
or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

But in all these things I am
more than a conqueror
through Him who loves me