Things You May Not Know About Pregnancy

I wanted to share some of the more interesting side effects of pregnancy no one seems to mention. We all know about mood swings, morning sickness, and hunger, but there's oh so much more! I suppose if I had done some more research beforehand, I would have been better prepared. But aside from morning sickness and a little discomfort, everyone always seems to talk about how wonderful pregnancy is, what a good time of life. I think these people have selective memories (granted, some women have a really easy time of it. I no longer like these women). I don't want to whine too much, so I'll just lay out some facts. You can guess how I feel about them.
1. Morning sickness. This is a misnomer. You may be sick all day, every day, until 12-20 weeks. Or the whole pregnancy. Which is a really long time.
2. Acne. Combined with the mood swings, I feel like a teenager. This is not what people mean by recapturing their youth.
3. Skin sensitivity. Pregnant women have more sensitive skin, which can result in rashes. Armpit rash, anyone?
4. Did you know that pregnant women are three times as likely to develop sinus infections, of all things?
5. Meralgia Paresthetica. This is a condition where the femoral nerve is pinched where it comes out of the pelvis, resulting in numbness, tingling, pain, and sometimes even an odd, wet feeling down the front and/or side of the thigh.
And I'm only thirteen weeks. Wish me luck, friends.
I got to see the baby today, though. It's so amazing to see this tiny human being that's growing inside me. I am filled with wonder at the works of God's hands and I know that, in the end, the short-term suffering is worth this little life that God has blessed me with.

Friday: The Wedding
It took place in a little Pentecostal church in Pana. It was lovely, although I was about ready to duct tape the mouths of all the little children. The pastor is a man by the name of Samuel Hester; he talked about the husband/wife relationship and how it should reflect the Christ/church relationship. He also talked about the rings' being gold, how gold never rusts, tarnishes, or changes while other metals may crumble over time and that it represents their love and the marriage relationship. I just really liked what he had to say.


The reception took place at Steve and Linda's, in their barn, which had been decorated Thursday, primarily by my brother (interestingly enough). Mike acted as DJ, playing a bunch of different music to try to get people to dance. Basically no one did, but it wasn't for lack of effort on my brother's part! He played The War of 1812 by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie as a joke... hardly anyone laughed. Some people looked shocked or disgusted; I got a kick out of it, anyway. Then he played The Battle of New Orleans to make it up to them. I counted about 130 people in attendance, including children. Wow, people down here have a lot of children! Guess there's nothing better to do.

Arizona Illegal Immigration Law

My Aunt Sylvia is a Democrat. I am not. So when she mentioned something about the Arizona law, itching, it seems, for an argument, it was hard to keep my mouth shut (Aunt Linda's rules: no politics, no fighting). Now I want to point out some of the facts about this law and why there is nothing wrong with it.

Let me start with Mexico. Mexican president Calderon has denounced this law, as if he has any business doing so. What do you suppose would happen to you if you were to enter Mexico illegally and were subsequently caught? You would be imprisoned, indefinitely, without trial, until whenever suits them. This is not being negative or prejudiced; it is simple fact. American prison, while no walk in the park, doesn't hold a candle to Mexican prison. So how can the Mexican president criticize the much more lenient Arizona law?

Personally, I think that the majority of people against this law haven't even read it. How can one be so strongly against something when one doesn't even know what it says? It's twelve pages long. Find a copy, read it, then tell me what you think. This law is worded SO carefully! Basically, the law says, if a cop has someone pulled over or detained in some lawful circumstance, he should ask for proof of legal residency. Failure to provide such proof may result in a $100 fine and up to twenty days in jail, after which the person will be handed over to Customs & Immigration. Police are specifically forbidden from responding to ethnically-based complaints, and from pulling people over merely for DWH (Driving While Hispanic). You will not be carded on the street just for being brown. This law pretty much only comes into play if you are already doing something illegal! Obey the law and you won't have a problem!

Tell me, what is wrong with asking someone for ID? Isn't that already legal? Why are people so up in arms over this? I'll tell you why. Ignorance.

Good times in Shelbyville & Brownstown

Well, had a full day yesterday and today. I forgot to mention in my last post the trip to St. Elmo to visit Uncle Dean. Oh the look on his face when I told him I had four cats!

Yesterday we went to Uncle Bob and Aunt Robin's in Shelbyville. Uncle Jim and Aunt Marge were there, having driven from Tucson, Arizona. Pretty soon, Uncle Bill showed up as well; he's from St. Elmo. I met my cousin Leiff for the first time (Bob & Robin's eldest), as well as his fiance Marty and her mom Linda. Then the three of them had to go, and the rest of us went out to dinner at the Mexican restaurant in Shelbyville. After dinner, Mike, Dad, Uncle Bob, Uncle Jim and Uncle Bill went fishing. I spent a little time with my cousin Trystan and his boyfriend Josh in their little house on Bob & Robin's property, then we went inside the main house to help with moving some boxes and a desk. The house used to be Aunt Robin's parent's house; they still haven't fully settled in because there's a lot of renovating that needs to be done. Apparently it used to be the old schoolhouse, which is kind of neat. Anyway, when we went in the house, my cousin Jo Jo (Bill's daughter) had come over; the seven of us did some organizing and cleanup so there's a bit more space in the house. Then we sat around bsing... until 1:30am, when the men finally returned from fishing. My brother caught a decent sized Walleye. Well, by the time we got back to our room, it was bedtime & no time for blogging.

Today, we went back to Aunt Linda and Uncle Steve's. We socialized and decorated the barn, which is where the reception is being held. So perfectly rednecked!
People I met today:
Linda & Steve's daughter Kandi, her husband Hideki, her three kids Leslie, Alex, and Sato, and Leslie's girlfriend Midori
Uncle Orval & Aunt Sylvia's daughter Tanya, her kids Emily, Sarah, Esther, and James, Emily's daughter Audriana, and James' friend Jennifer
Orval & Sylvia's son Jason
Brandy's kids Jonathon, Nathan, Devon, and Delaina
Dave's wife Mary Lou, their son Bryce

I'm having a great time down here getting to know my extended family, and man there's a lot of them. The wedding's tomorrow and I'll get to see my Uncle Loren and my Uncle Marion and Aunt Paulette. Looking forward to a great party! I'll be posting again on Saturday. Goodnight!

Hello from Illinois!

Well, here I am in southern Illinois, Vandalia, to be exact. My cousin Carl is getting married on Friday, and my parents, brother and I have come down to join the revelry. My dad grew up in this area (St. Elmo - ish) and several of his ten brothers and sisters still live around here. Of the siblings who live in different areas, those who are able have come or are coming for the wedding, so it's also a bit of a family reunion. I'm so happy to see my family again, as it's been ten years since I've been down, and I get to meet some cousins I've never met before. It's good times!

We started the trip yesterday with a flight out of Seattle around noon. Switched planes in Salt Lake City (they had snow - a record for them this late in the season) and arrived in St. Louis at around 10pm local time. Our luggage arrived at the same place, which was fantastic. :) We had some pretty funky turbulence, reminiscent of a roller coaster. So naturally I threw my hands in the air and went "Weeeee!" Another neat thing about our flight was the thunderclouds we got to watch lightning dance in on our approach to St. Louis. Pretty nifty. After getting the rental car and driving out to the Days Inn in Vandalia, we went to sleep to the rumbling sound of thunder.

Today, we drove through the town of Vandalia before heading over to Aunt Linda and Uncle Steve's house in Brownstown. It's so great to see them and I'm looking forward to spending more time with them this week. Their sons Carl and Dave came by and we got to meet Carl's wife-to-be Brandy, as well as her little nephew. Carl and Dave went to pick up their sister Kandi and her family from the airport and we left so they could have some family time. Kandi lives in Japan, where she is a quasi-famous singer. Her husband is Japanese and her kids barely speak English, so it will be fun when we get to meet them tomorrow! We went to dinner and then to Walmart. Everything is so cheap in American Walmart! I spent fifty bucks and got a watch, two shirts, two pairs of shorts, Spanx, and a pair of earrings. Very exciting, I know.

Some random Illinois facts:
Illinois has the second-highest state deficit at $12 billion, next to California.
Vandalia is the original Illinois state capitol; Abe Lincoln served here.
Vandalia has a nuclear fallout shelter in the sherriff's building.
St. Elmo has nothing to do with St. Elmo's fire.
Abraham Lincoln is buried in Springfield (which is not next to Shelbyville, you Simpson's fans).

That's all for tonight.

My Mom

Well, I'm a little late for Mother's Day, but I want to say a couple of words.

My mom:

1. My most precious friend. She is here for me, anytime, anywhere. She always has my best interests at heart and wants better things for me than sometimes I even envision for myself. I value her friendship and guidance so much.



2. My teacher and counselor. The faith and life lessons she has imparted to me are blessings beyond words. She taught me principles and values, right and wrong, to stand up for truth without apology. She gave me a firm foundation upon which to build myself that has never failed me. She taught me how to think for myself and not accept the way things appear on the surface. Truly, my mom is one of the best informed people I know, and she has opened my eyes to things about which most people are (blissfully) ignorant. I value this awareness and our many interesting discussions. She has come alongside me and trained me up in the way I should go. My mom does not compromise on truth and I love it.



3. My example of grace. I have done wrong by my mom too many times to count. I've lied, been angry and hateful, disappeared, acted out, made bad decisions (don't we all!). I don't always keep in touch with her as much as I should. I owe her money... and she forgives me! Over and over again. I know I've hurt her and I've stretched her patience thin (worn it through) and still she loves me unconditionally. What an amazing example of the grace of God! I have had true agape love modelled to me.

I love you so much, Mom. Thank you isn't quite enough.

The Results Are In

I finally got the results for which I've been waiting from the naturopath. Turns out that my thyroid's just fine, but my hormones are completely out of whack. My testosterone, DHEA, and progesterone levels are all low. Apparently that also means that my "good" estrogen level is low as well, even though my estrogen showed normal. "Bad" estrogen (synthetic estrogen from birth control, in my case) accumulates and affects progesterone and natural estrogen levels. Virtually all my symptoms can be attributed to these deficiencies, which is fantastic, since they're easily treated. I'm now using a progesterone cream (you know, the kind menopausal women use instead of HRT), an estrogen cleanse, and a product called Tribulus Synergy to up my testosterone and DHEA. That one's my favorite; it's got "Male Response Formula" on the label. So looking in my cupboard, you might think I'm a menopausal woman, or a man, which amuses me.
Things I'm looking forward to with the balancing of my hormones: better and more stable moods, more energy, better complexion, increased libido (I know, you didn't want to know), weight loss...

I'm feeling much better today, dealing with my dog's passing. I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful husband to support me and hold me while I cry, cheer me up when I'm done crying, reminisce with me, and just love me in general. He's a rare sort of man. I'm blessed to have the support, love, and prayers (mixed in with a good dose of worry, I'm sure) of my best friend- Mom and my dad. And all the friends who sympathized with me on facebook. It all helps and I know that God is watching out for me and has placed these people in my life.
I am looking for another dog, but I'm not in a rush. If it's God's will, it will fall into place. If it's not His plan right now, it won't work out. I'm not just running to the pound and taking home the first dog I see -- and I wish no one else would either. A dog is a ten+ year commitment, so take your time, think it through, and make sure it's the right fit for your family. Oh and spay and neuter your pets! (And that's my public service announcement for the day)

Farewell, Old Friend

My doggy died. He's gone. He was hit by a truck while I watched helplessly and ran to him in time to feel his heart beat its last. Oh, Aries, how much I loved you! I'm so devastated, yet I have hope and joy even in sorrow.
You know, when something like this happens, you always think "there's something I could have done, if only I did this, if only, if only this that and the other thing... God, you could have done this or that..." I understand that's called the "bargaining" phase of grief. But I take comfort in knowing that it is part of God's plan.

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.
Psalm 139:16-18

If God has ordained every day for me, I'm going to extrapolate that He has ordained every day for every living creature. So I am not responsible, there is nothing I could do; it was written in His book. This makes it much easier to let go. And His plans for me are good!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

I thank God that He has great plans for me, and I hold fast to His promises and His lovingkindness. I know that He feels my pain and weeps with me, as He wept with Mary and Martha for Lazarus. I don't know why He took my doggy away, but I trust Him. I like to think that I will see him again someday. I don't know if that's true or not; I don't think the Bible really tells us. But I do know that there will be animals in the new Earth, and certainly it does no harm to believe that my Aries will be one of them.

I got Aries ten years ago in November 1999; he was born Sept. 22 1999. As a puppy, he was a hellion! He nipped and ran away and just generally drove me mad. Of course, as all puppies do, he grew up and mellowed out. He became a most wonderful companion, my dear friend, always beside me. He loved me so well. He came to answer to Stupid, Fifi and buddy; he learned to shake, beg, stand, sit, lie down, roll over. He didn't like to swim, much preferring to wade. He loved to hump his cushion and drag it around, growling and being goofy. He would roll around on his back on the carpet with much growling, and other amusing habits like sleeping sprawled on his back. Usually he was pretty laid back, but sometimes he would get in a rambunctious mood and run around like a fool. My Aries! I love you so much, I miss you, I wish you weren't gone. Goodbye, my sweet puppy. If God is willing, I will see you soon.

My Saviour Lives!

Happy Resurrection Day! Today is the Jewish festival of Firstfruits, a symbol of Christ's resurrection, as Passover is a symbol of Christ's sacrifice.

But now Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those who are asleep. For since by a man came death, by a man also came the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive. But each in his own order: Christ the first fruits, after that those who are Christ's at His coming, then comes the end, when He hands over the kingdom to the God and Father, when He has abolished all rule and all authority and power. For He must reign until He has put all His enemies under His feet. The last enemy that will be abolished is death.
1 Corinthians 15:20-26

Today is the best day of the year. How wonderful to know that the Son of God bore my sin and died for me; how much more wonderful to know that He rose again, death's conqueror! So now we have no fear in death; because He has overcome sin and death, the death of earthly bodies is merely the beginning of eternity in the presence of God. Forgiveness, justification, right relationship with God is a gift, one which we could never earn. It is offered freely to all who believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, who offer up their lives to Him and invite His Spirit to dwell in them. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus (Rom 3:23).

If you are reading this and have not yet come to trust in God and given Him rule over your life, I encourage you to accept His gift! In the midst of all our troubles, anger, and sorrow, God is faithful and good. He longs to know you and have you spend eternity in His presence, but you must choose Him. One day, you will see Him face to face. Will He welcome you as His child, or say "Depart from Me; I never knew you"? It is up to you.
God bless.

The Veil Is Torn

Today, I commemorate the sacrifice of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Yeshua Ha'Mashiach. The Son of God offered Himself up as the Passover lamb, the final atonement for all sin, so that, covered by His blood, we may overcome death. The Spirit in me, and I in Christ, and Christ in the Father's hand! I now have access through the torn veil to the throne of grace, the Most Holy Place, the direct presence of God. Christ is my High Priest and only intercessor, and His blood covers all my unrighteousness. I, who by rights should die in the mere presence of His holiness, may now bask in His presence, speak to Him, seek His counsel, lean on Him! I am so unworthy and so grateful.

And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit.
And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth shook and the rocks were split.
Matthew 27:50-51

Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried; yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging we are healed. All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; but the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him.
Isaiah 53:4-6

Lazy?

Lazy.
I feel it for so long
I hear it
I manifest it
Not knowing any other state,
I own it;
it owns me

no energy, no motivation
no passion, no goals
no point
to my hazy wanderings through
passing time,
wasting time

I long to feel the purpose I know,
and the guilt of the title
I have come to feel
- lazy -
eats a hole through my self-worth

Give me freedom in truth!
...the truth...
the truth is, I should not claim
this name,
though outwardly one may assume its truth,
but in truth
I am in battle between mind and spirit
and darkness and light
and the guilt I bear
I do not deserve
Is not the burden of mental illness enough?

I lay down this baggage
at the feet of the all-suffering One
Who has carried my burdens for me
borne my guilt
and set my spirit free

I look forward to
the healing of my body
when I may physically know,
mind and body,
the strength I already possess in spirit

Who will separate me from the love of Christ?
Will tribulation, or distress,
or persecution, or famine,
or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

But in all these things I am
more than a conqueror
through Him who loves me

Look ma, I'm blogging!

So here I am, joining the masses in the blog world. This year is a year of change and transition for me, and I've decided to track it here, for anyone (or noone) to see. I am striving for change in my spiritual life, my family life, my social life, and my mental and physical health.
At the end of 2009, my husband Frank and I made two choices: to quit our addiction, and to start a family. After eight years (for me, longer for Frank), we had decided we were ready to trust God with our lives and stop continuously engaging in self-destructive behaviour. As I believe that time is short before the Lord returns, it is time to stop wasting time! I know that God has plans for me and that He longs to be close to me, but how can He draw near to me when I spend more time smoking pot than I do seeking Him? I also know that I do not want to raise (or be pregnant with) a child around that. My habits have alienated my friends, affected my health, stunted my spiritual growth, and degraded my relationships with my family. So, we made the decision and stuck to it! We have been free for three months. The feeling is tremendous. When I go before God, there is nothing in between me and Him.

The change has not, however, improved my mental health. See, I am clinically depressed. I have struggled with this problem for many years, and have been taking prescription medication for eight years. My doctor told me that I would probably take these drugs my whole life. My doses have been steadily increasing, while their effectiveness has been steadily decreasing. I also have no energy, no passion for life, no interest, no motivation. Sort of like chronic fatigue, without the diagnosis. I used to accept these things as my life. I don't anymore. I am convinced that God does not want me to live like this, and that there are healthy and natural ways to fix my body. I changed doctors.
I am now working with my new doctor, a wonderful lady by the name of Dr. Khan, and my naturopath, Dr. Cobi Slater, to wean off the antidepressants and identify & treat the root cause of my problems. I was concerned about the long-term effects of prescription drugs on my kidneys and liver, as well as their impact on my future babies. Dr. Khan is supervising my weaning, while Dr. Cobi seeks to address the source of my depression and fatigue. Currently, we are awaiting the results of hormone testing. I'm on the edge of my seat in anticipation.

There is a burden of guilt and a weariness that comes with being depressed all the time. Why don't I just get up and do something? Why am I so lazy? It feels like I'm failing at life. It is interesting, the disconnect I feel between my spirit and my mind. I trust the Lord and have the Spirit living in me; thus, I have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. I have faith and hope. The joy of the Lord is my strength! These are things I feel in my spirit and I know to be true. However, the way I feel in my mind is much different. I sometimes feel worthless, life seems pointless, I feel like a poor wife, a bad friend, a failure. My spirit and mind are in conflict, and I know it is because of the mental illness with which I struggle.

Rejoice evermore; pray without ceasing; in everything, give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I have lived this verse in my spirit, even when my mind does not agree.

Father,
the One True God,
as it pleases You,
You will reveal Your purpose in me.
Help me live each day to You
in humble servanthood and love.
I desire to follow You
to honor You
and everything You gave
so that I could know You.
How I long to see Your face!
This world is so far from You
and the freedom for which You set us free,
Yet it is all part of Your wondrous plan.
Your workings are too great for me to fathom
and life is so confusing;
You have graciously left Your Word for me
and filled me with Your Spirit
so I may understand those things which
You desire to show me.
I thank You
and praise You endlessly
for Your sacrifice and grace to me.
I, who deserve nothing,
have been given everything and more,
to be called a son of the Living God!
May I never forget it
and grow weary of Your calling.
May my desire ever be for You.
Come quickly, Lord Jesus!
The world is a dark and weary place,
yet Your light shines from the hilltops.
Create of me a beacon
burning bright in Your name.
I long for Your redemption of Creation,
but I know Your timing is perfect
and I bow my knee
to Your holy and perfect will.